January 29,2008

Hello, Hello, Hello,

Well its been a shorter time span since my last post. Things are still tough. Olivia's behavior has improved somewhat of course that's due to the honeymoon period with the new staff who comes in to help me out.

I've been researching a lot and came out with another option for Olivia's behavior. PDD Persuasive developmental disorder which is is the autistic spectrum. That does cover a lot of issues that she's had her entire life. Eye contact for one. communication for another. I plan on bringing this up at her doctors appt. next month. Along with ODD- oppositional defiance disorder.

I can't say I'm thrilled about the idea my daughter may also be autistic as well as having MR but knowledge is power. Especially if your child has special needs.

I feel a lot of conflicting emotions lately not just about the possible PDD cause she hasn't been diagnosed yet, but just about her behavior. It's so hard to love someone who is always arguing with you who will blow up at any given minute about something seemingly trivial. Sometimes I wonder if I do love her anymore. wow, that was hard to admit. I mean she's my baby. but she's just so difficult and it just drives us away from her its hard to remember good things about her anymore there just so much negative things slapping us the face its hard to remember even one good thing. And you have to put a wall up to deal with it to not take it personally and i hate feeling so distant from her but if I don't pull away its so much harder to deal with her.

Then there's Abby who's only five who loves her sister with all her heart and doesn't understand why her sister behaves so badly all the time. Yesterday for the first time ever she cried -- no sobbed with her little heart breaking over the situation. It was devastating to her Dad and me. S How do you explain to a five year old????? Now we are discussing therapy for Abby. There are no support groups in our area that are for young siblings of special needs kids.(As far as I know of I need to research that too) Abby just wants to play with her sister and have fun not have to measure what she says and watch and wait for the meltdowns to end if they end. And wait some more. and not be able to understand how differently wired her sister is. I mean we do treat her like she's 10 most of the time because that's how she behaves and we know she's only 5. We try to treat her like she's five but with Olivia around it's hard. Olivia needs extra attention. We try to give some to Abby too. But its hard.

Okay, time to move on I'm going to finish up here by saying the EYS will be finalized soon. They are waiting to see what the budget looks like before I know where she's going for sure.

Now I'm off to call my case manager and see if she knows of any support groups for my youngest.
Until next time.
Bye!